Help My Mouth, PLEASE!

Here's the situation I have going on now. A week ago I had chapped lips so I bought a product that was for an extreme case of that condition. I'm only going to hint about the name of it but let's just call it Jake's Crack Creme, shall we?

I started applying it several times a day and it was really doing the trick. I decided to read the actual ingredients since it was working so well on my chapped lips. After finally finding the right eyeglasses, I saw that not only was it good for what I had, but was the number one salve for cold sores. I thought, "Good idea - two for the price of one." Frankly I don't give a hoot about cold sores because I've never had one in my entire life. At least not until THE NEXT DAY ...


Upon arising, I took a quick glance in the mirror and noticed a giant red lump on my lip. I showed it to my sister because I had never seen anything like it. Not that I'm so perfect or anything; I'd just never had anything like it. "Could it be a spider bite, I asked?" I had seen one on the ceiling before I went to bed, but it was so cute...


My sister, Jennifer said, "It's a cold sore." "Cold sore? On me? I've never had a cold sore in my entire life! Why am I getting one just when I'm using the remedy for what I've never had?" "I don't know, Peg, but that's what it is, she said, and leave it alone or you'll regret it."


I excused myself for five or ten minutes and came back with a guilty look on my face, as well as a much bigger version of my first "should have never happened" COLD SORE. She was definitely right. I had regrets...


It has been a long, painful week. Each morning I wake up to another one. They seem to be multiplying in a circular motion. Because of this new pattern, I have to draw my lip pencil into a larger version of the mouth I already have. This is not an easy task for me as I've never been that great at applying makeup anyway. If I were dressing up for Halloween it would be fine, but that was so last month. My mouth has become the focal point of my entire face. And I thought I was worried about my bald spot...

I'm tired of having a monster mouth! I need advice -pronto. Can this mouth be saved? I love Lucy Ricardo but I don't want a mouth that's drawn on to look like a heart. What about kissing? Will my husband be infected with these hideous looking blisters or do I lock my mouth into a hermetically sealed piece of plastic until they're gone???

I was in a movie a few years ago starring Richard Gere, Juliette Binoche and Kate Bosworth. It was called Bee Season. I would be so perfect for the sequel only this time, I would BEE so perfect for the lead... I know one thing - I look like I was stung by a pack of 'em!